Loving You From A Distance
by ShallowMind
Summary: The painful relationship of Sasuke and Naruto.
1. Chapter 1

It was raining.

The cold rain dripped down Sasuke's clothes, he was cold, tired and emotionally dead. Before him lay the one the only person he ever admired, without hinting or saying it though. It was over. He had to leave and seek more power. His revenge was even further then before with him now knowing how truly weak he was. Deeply hurt by everything he had to do to Naruto and only guessing what he would feel after he was gone Sasuke decided to spend a few more minutes with him. Naruto was unconscious and just laying in the water. Sasuke shivered - it was really cold, and looked into his closed eyes. If only he could peek inside his soul and see it all understand how much Naruto will struggle the next years... but he couldn't. Sharingan wasn't that powerful. It wasn't only rain down Sasuke's face. He hasn't cried since the night Itachi killed their family. It was such a strong emotion, the feeling of being powerless and alone. It would get worse he knew it. It was he last time he would touch Naruto. Last time he would see and talk to him for a long period. Last... the word hurt him so deeply, like it was cutting deep inside his soul. Leave Naruto, it sounded so absurd. How could he leave Naruto?

"Naruto." Saying the name brought a bit of warmth to him for just a second before the thoughts sinked in again. It's the last time you're saying this name, he thought to himself. His hand reached for his cheek, caressing it slowly. The whisker marks, the blonde hair – now soaking wet and messy. How he'd miss talking to him if it was only snarling and fighting – he loved the sound of his voice, the way his blue eyes sparkled a little at the sight of him. Or did he want to see something that wasn't there? He ran his fingers through Naruto's hair, deeply regretting all the hurtful things he said. Naruto was the only one trying to understand. Could he? No time. No time at all. Naruto always healed fast and was slowly coming to his senses. He flinched a bit - the movement sending electricity through Sasuke's body. With pain he never thought he'd experience - Sasuke stood up and for a second his knees almost gave out.

"Damn." he snarled at himself. "I have to go, Naruto. I know you won't understand..." he hushed quietly. It was still raining. Sasuke could hear the little splashing noise behind his back - Naruto was waking up. He hurried, following the path deeper in the forest. Timing was vital. If Naruto would come to his sensces soon enough, he'd try to stop him. Then, it ripped his soul in half.

"SASUKEEE!" It was scream, filled with so much pain, ,anxiety and desperation that it was almost unbelievable.

And it was Naruto.

The growl that followed was one of a deeply hurt animal - with no other way to deal with it.

"I have to," He said again to himself. The scream kept echoing in his ear. It was the most horrible thing he had ever done and doubted that it could get any worse. Naruto kept screaming in that same, horrid way, with every step Sasuke took the sound quieter and quieter, before finally fading away. So did Sasuke. Naruto kept flinching, growling, screaming.

"No! He's not gone. He is not gone. It can't be true. He can't  
leave. No."

It was pointless and he knew it. All he saw around himself proved that Sasuke was really gone. Naruto glanced at his headband - it now had a big stripe across it - laying on the ground. The sight of it shook his entire body.

"Gone? You're gone?" He fell on his knees, weeping loudly.

"Sasukeee! Come back! He can't hear me anymore. He can't see me." Uttering that word was also painful.

Gone.

It was too much to think where he was, who he was with. Naruto was left to hope that Sasuke won't die somewhere alone. Die? Die meant no more Sasuke. No way of getting him back. Why have I been so stupid? Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I wake up sooner? My fault, he though still kneeling on the ground, if I had done only I said I love him. If I was braver. Then he noticed he was bleeding, then the psychical pain sunk in. Then he fainted, hoping that someone would find him before he lost too much blood. He had to stay alive and find Sasuke. At all cost. And it still rained. No birds in the sky, no people on the street, no sound of anything living.

No Sasuke.

Another sunrise.

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and as every morning for years he glanced at the picture on his bedside table. They looked so happy, the four of them. It felt so nice being with Sasuke.

Why do I do this to myself? He tried so many times to forget Sasuke. But then some little thing - the sound of someone's laughter - or the place they used to train together at... Naruto sighed and thought about the day ahead. Sasuke had a replacement. Naruto protested so much on this. No one could ever take Sasuke's place. What was the point in trying to? And everyone tried to fill the empty space in Naruto's heart. Sai was mere shadow of what Sasuke could now be. The blond despised him, Sakura and even Kakashi. They continued living their lives while Naruto never got the chance. It was just a dull, painful existence. Without Sasuke.  
"Sasuke-kun. Time to wake up." Kabuto's voice sounded. Sasuke quickly opened his eyes and slipped out of his bed. It was yet another day and it would be the same as all that were before and just like the ones that would follow. Train, eat, sleep, suffer.

"I'm awake. Now get out." He growled at Kabuto before opening one of the drawers in his table next to his bed. With a quiet sigh he smiled. In his hand he held a picture of Naruto. He was laughing in his dumb, cute way - his grin reminding Sasuke of the past. A grin he never saw, voice he was starting to forget and look that had definitely already changed.. It was that picture, and that picture only, that kept him sane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Songs for this chapter: First Half: Drown - Three Days Grace - .com/watch?v=1m54kEblqhU**

**Second Half (when leaving Konoha) Three Days Gace - Over & Over - .com/watch?v=okC4hw8IPYg**

**Much thanks to Kelsey for Beta-ing.**

Konoha; Present Days

Sky blue eyes narrowed in suspicion. It had been years of pleading, begging, threatening, shouting, demanding and now they agreed. Why? Naruto's brain started ticking. They must want something. They must need Sasuke for something.

"Why do you say yes now." He asked with a cold voice. The three stood silent but he was having none of that. "Why, Kakashi. Tell me." He intentionally missed "sensei". "Listen, Naruto-kun..." Started Sai but Naruto interrupted. "This is none of your business." "Don't talk to him this way. It's not his fault Sasuke left us." Sakura said, watching him dangerously. Naruto scowled at her, his upper lip revealing his long, sharp K-9's. He was growling. Sakura took a step back but the three of them knew he was about to blow. "_You _don't know anything about that day. _You _weren't there." His voice was in the low register, still growling. "You don't know what I felt. You have _no idea_ why he left. Now, Kakashi - tell me. What are you aiming for?" All three of them... heck the whole village knew Sasuke was still a burning wound in Naruto's heart and most avoided talking about him in Naruto's presence. And Sakura had just made it so much worse for him. 'We aren't aiming for anything," Kakashi spoke softly and was about to continue but it was way too much for Naruto. His eyes were shining with fury. "Oh, really? Than why did I have to beg you for three years? Why did you say no every time? Why did I have to humiliate myself and get nothing? Do you know what I feel? With what right do you say yes now? Tell me what the hell you want!" None of them expected quite that reaction tough. After all this was what Naruto wanted, what he desired, what he dreamed about every night. "Naruto, listen please. We have to get Sasuke back..." Naruto growled even louder. The red chackra was starting to show - he was that furious. "I have always _needed _him back. You never did anything about it. You think the apathetic "Aw, Naruto-kun we are so sorry for you" did any work?!" Kakshi sighed. "You don't understand..." "That's the only thing you're right about! How can I understand?!" He shouted at Kakashi at top of his voice. "We really have to get him back. He's doing dangerous work for Orochimaru." Naruto arched his eyebrows. "That is what you want him from? To _capture _him?" Naruto wanted to say so much more but his voice refused to come out of his throat anymore. The deep, burning pain was finally out. Everything he tried to hide for three years just blew out. And he started crying. Salty tears started flowing down his face. He wanted to stop, to hide this again, to wipe them away but it was no use. He fell on his knees like he did three years ago and no one dared touch him. It was way too much. They wanted to capture him? To take him back with force? "I won't let you do that you hear me?" He gasped, fighting the tears. "You are not capturing him. I'll do everything I can. I'll do the impossible to get him back you hear?!" He shouted again. Naruto stood up and wiped the tears. The fury appeared in his eyes again. "I don't know what you are plotting but you are not, I repeat not taking him away like he's some criminal!" "Naruto this is not what we meant..." Started Kakashi. "Isn't it? He's doing dangerous work?" Naruto quoted. "You are taking this wrong..." Sakura tried to say something but Naruto really didn't plan to listen to her. "When are we leaving." He hollered. "Tomorrow at dawn." Kakashi shot out. He did look slightly terrified as Naruto was still glowing, covered in the red chackra. "Lovely. I'll be there. And you better also be. I'm sorting this out once and for all. He's coming back."

Keeping his mind on preparing the luggage was so bloody hard. He kept straying back to moments he spent with Sasuke and the anxiety to see him was never stronger than before. It was almost hurtful. Naruto had even forgotten to eat. He missed dinner, still preparing all his descent clothes, shoving them in his rucksack. His eyes glanced at the picture of Team 7. It lay on the bed, next to the pillow. He was pretty sentimental and was going to take it with him. Oh, Sasuke. Just you wait. I'm coming. By the time he was ready with all preparations it was 2 o'clock in the morning. I had better get some sleep. Naruto kept rolling in his bed, unable to clear his mind and fall asleep. He hadn't been this eager since Ichiraku started selling pork flavoured ramen.

"Late. You are all God damn late." He growled at them three. "We're sorry, Naruto-kun." They said in chorus. "Let's get going." He raced forward. All he needed them for was directions. They knew. They knew where he was. Sasuke.

"Naruto-kun, please!" Groaned Sakura. "We have to have a rest! We don't all possess your stamina. Please, I beg you! We really have to stay here the night. We haven't stopped running all day. We haven't eaten, drunk - nothing. Stop..." Naruto suddenly stopped. "Alright. You should rest. I agree. We stay here." He didn't want to stop, he wanted to be there sooner, faster. He needed to be close to him at last. He needed the relief he needed to see him, touch him, hear his cold voice again.

There weren't really a lot of things happening in Sasuke's life. As said previously it was the same everyday: train, learn new things, feed, sleep -not so often and not for long - that's why he was always so cranky when someone woke him up. The last part was the worst - suffer for Naruto. This day was not going to be different, or at least he thought.

He stopped his current activity (push-ups) and listened carefully.

There was this strange rumbling. Was someone running in the hall?

Seconds later, he started to hear some voices. They seemed strangely familiar. Could it be? Was that yelling fool, who infiltrated the

Serpent's lair Naruto? Sasuke's heart, ever so still, started hammering inside his chest and he started panting, gasping for air. It was Naruto.

he could hear the voice now. And what it was saying. "_Sasuke_!" In a second the whole world froze. Nothing mattered now. He had to see Naruto. It was the only thing in his mind. Sasuke jumped out and the voice that came out of his throat did not at all sound like his own. It was desperate, almost a chocked scream: "_Naruto_!" It happened! Their gazes locked - each dying to scream from joy and anxiety to go closer. There were people around them, they were aware of that but it was like they weren't there. They didn't exist. Both of them took a few cautious steps to get closer until each one could see himself in the eyes of the other. Breathing had almost ceased and every one of them wanted to say so many things to apologize, to explain... Sasuke's hand slowly reached Naruto's cheek. It was just like three years ago, only this time Naruto was awake and awaiting. A jolt of electricity went through Sasuke's fingers as Naruto caught his hand. He wanted to touch him so badly. Sasuke licked his upper lip as his other hand touched Naruto's chest. His breathing got faster, little pants were heard occasionally. Naruto was still passive so Sasuke got even closer. His lips were just a millimeter away from Naruto's half opened mouth when they heard:

"I'd really hate to interrupt the soapy reunion but you are infiltrating."

The world started to move again as Naruto gasped and turned his deep blue eyes, oh how Sasuke missed them, to Orochimaru. Sasuke's body stiffened as his onyx eyes shifted towards his sensei. "Don't." He uttered. "I _beg _you." Orochimaru's yellow eyes glowed in pleasure. He smirked. "_Beg_? _You _beg? Have I found your soft spot, Sasuke-kun? The little Jinchuuriki?"

There were actually tears in Sasuke's eyes as he stared blankly at his sensei. "Don't hurt him. I've done everything you ever wanted. Please." "Sasuke." Naruto hushed. "I can't go on like this. I need you back. And I don't even care why you left me," there was pain in his voice when he said it tough. "just please come back." "Naruto I..." "Don't say no to me please..." Sasuke's heart sunk way down to his stomach. He had to decide now: follow his vengeance or stay with Naruto. Can I brake him in half again when he was the only thing keeping me sane? The horrible question kept echoing in his mind and Naruto was waiting. His mouth still half open, his eyes sparkling with anxiety. Tension was almost visible.


	3. Chapter 3

He's gone so far for me... Please don't say no... I can't break him again... Say something... "Don't leave me again, Sasuke."

The raven-haired boy never thought there could be so much desperation and pain in someone's voice. And then he suddenly heard it again: "SASUKEEE!!!" Sasuke flinched. He didn't like where this is going. It took so many years to get where he was. To be so close to being strong enough.

"Naruto, listen to me," Naruto shivered. He was sensing where this would go. "I have gone too far to come back now. I can't be messing with you now. I have to kill Itachi. Nothing will come between me and my goal. Not even you." Naruto started growling quietly, his fists clenched - the red chackra slowly making its way all around his body.

"Have you any idea how much hurt you've caused me?" It was a rhetorical question of course. Sasuke knew all about it. He felt the same heart ache if not worse. Sasuke felt like there was something up his throat. The words, so bitter and hurtful were refusing to go out. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed. He knew he's hate himself after he said all of it but there was no other way.

"You don't understand, Naruto. You didn't understand then - you don't now." Those words hit the exact spot.

"You chose to run away. I would have done everything in my power to help you. You sneaked like a damn coward. Let me stand alone in the rain. Did you hear me scream you bastard?"

Sasuke's face was unreadable but Naruto expected what could follow. Sasuke pinned him on the wall as hard as he could as if he was aiming to break him in half. The blond didn't make a sound - only sinked his claws deep in Sasuke's shoulders..

"You don't know what it took me to leave. You don't know that a part of me died that day."

Naruto growled again. "So you're the victim? Every night I dreamt of finding you. And when I finally did you hurt me again?" Sasuke started shaking Naruto.

"Shut up! I can't let go of my dream. It was pointless for you to come here. You only made it worse for both of us." He turned to Orochimaru. "Let's go, sensei. No need to fight. We're settled."

"I'll break every bone in your body if I have to but I'll bring you back, Sasuke." The raven smirked but Naruto didn't see because Sasuke had turned his back to him, leaving in a slow pace. There was no use in saying "goodbye" since none of them was sure if their paths would cross ever again. The three ninja accompanying Naruto on his mission (it did mean more to him after all) finally found him.

He was alone in the corridor, shaking from rage or maybe sadness? It only took a closer look to see that he was crying.

"What happened, Naruto?" Asked Sakura, although she was pretty sure what could effect him like that. He didn't care that there were people around. It was the most pain he'd ever felt and that pain he had to experience alone. Without saying anything, he walked away. Sakura caught his hand, she was really trying to understand and help, but his growl made her let go.

Time and direction didn't matter. I had to go somewhere... anywhere. And, oh joy! It was raining. I think Faith was playing with me yet again. Damn rain. Second time he left me and it felt more horrible than the previous. And why would revenge matter to him more than me? How can he value that more than me? I shared his every thought, I was there when he needed me and he leaves me! I would gladly give up my dream to be Hokage for him if I have to. And it matters to me. Why can't he do the same? What good would him killing Itachi do anyway?

---

Holy God. I'm sure that hurt me more than it did him. I didn't want it to be that way but in the moment my goal is more important than him. It was a really hard choice and for a moment there I was pretty undecided. But when something like this happens vengeance is the only way. He has to pay and, oh I'll make him pay. Naruto... he... I did ...

"You are turning so soft. He really means something to you, doesn't he?"

"That is none of your damn business." I snarled at him but as usual Orochimaru did hit the spot. I didn't need anymore time to think about Naruto. It did hurt too much and for too long. Oh, how I hate myself. That look in his eyes - all the hurting I caused... I... didn't want to...

"Sasuke." Oro's voice brought me back to reality.

"Hmm?"

"You... you look so unbelievably sad..."

"What's it to you?"

He opened his mouth as if he was to say something but kept quiet. That didn't really bother me I was never big on talking.

---

As the new dawn's light shone over me memories of long ago kept playing in my head. The pain was too great to be real but yet I could feel it burning inside of me. Naruto...the anger... the agony inside of him - burning in the form of Kyuubi chackra. His hate. He hates me. I doubt I could have hurt him anymore. And what if something were to happen to him? I flinched. That might have been the last time I saw him! I... I had to find a way to be close to him. Without him knowing of course.

---

Now what? How am I supposed to keep living normally? Damn fucking Sasuke. How could he back stab me like that? If I had even expected... if something even hinted that he might... oh, screw him.

He was about to kiss me. And then fucking Orochimaru had to pop up from somewhere! If I ever get a hold of Sasuke I'm going to beat the crap out of the bastard! He... Deep breaths.... deep breaths... I punched through the wall and seconds after regretted it.

Blood started poring from my hand, my knuckles hurt. More swearing was contributed. I didn't even suspect I knew so much curses. While I was washing my hand at the kitchen I heard a quiet knock on the door.

Not very eager to see who it was I took my time to bandage my hand also. At the door stood Sakura. Normally, I would have been very annoyed with her but this time I needed someone to talk to. And she was a good listener.

"Come in won't you?" I tried to flash a smile but failed miserably.

"What happened to your arm, Naruto?" She asked, slightly narrowing her eyes at me. I knew I wasn't a sight to please since my hair was a mess, I hadn't changed clothes recently and up until then I had been sleeping. "Hehe, sorry for my looks, Sakura-chan. And the hand... I kind of... hit a wall..."

She came in without further questioning and shoved some ramen out of the sofa before sitting on it. She said nothing more and I decided that she was waiting for me to start talking. It was surprisingly hard to start tough.

"Sasuke..." I started. "he... he said that vengeance was more important than me." I blurted out. Could I tell her all the things that happened before he said that? Heck, why not. She put a hand on my shoulder. That was a bit encouraging so I continued.

"This was not what I expected, Sakura-chan. It hurts so much." I closed my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder. She needn't say anything. She just listened and stroke my cheeks, where some tears had started to roll.

"Naruto," she spoke gently and quietly. "I'm sure he doesn't mean it like that. He loves you." Those were the words I've been aching to hear from him and when Sakura said it I knew it were so but he didn't love me enough. I would die for him. And what did I get in return?

`I've gone too far to let go of my dream [...] vengeance is more important to me [...] I can't be messing with you...` He called it messing? Had he forgotten all the days we spent together? All the secrets we shared? And how he would always grunt when I put a strand of hair behind his ear? I started weeping quietly into Sakura's lap. She took a deep breath. "Naruto... I... really want to help you." "I... know." I replied, not trying to hold back the tears anymore. "Your skirt will get soaked... I'm sorry..." I sniffed. "Don't be silly. I'm here for you." "Thank you." The words were kind of muffled but she understood what I meant. I slowly dozed off, knowing that Sakura would comfort me as much as she could. Why have I been so harsh with her?

I looked through it and it seems fine to me. (after some paragraph work and spell check)


End file.
